i hate being lonely............

being lonely is so pathetic and miserable........i hate this feeling, it's like the end of the world, i think even worse than that.......
i hate to be lonely......i hate you make me love you.......
i know my feeling, even though u didn't say it, i know you are not mine...........not yet........and never will be.......
i know i am not perfect, neither do you, but i do not know why i still like you so much........
it's nothing personal, it's just a way to relieve my depression and loneliness.......
at the end of the day, i still can't clear up my mind of you........

still sad.......=(

finally i say it.........i must be out of my mind........
i know my feeling, i know the chance she will say 'yes' is little, but yet i still did the stupid thing.......
although it was not a strict 'no' or something like we're impossible or we can just be friend, i still felt bad.........she said she is not ready......
day 1 post-vindication, i still text and call her like old days, the way she treated me is still the same.......maybe it is good for me, at least she is not being avoidance.........
i should move on, but i still can't stop thinking of her.........

so sad.........=(

why my emotion has to be determined by others?
why couldn't i just take control of it........i can't help.......i'm too deeply involved
i wanna get myself out of the misery........
strictly speaking i hardly know her.......but from the first sight i know it is her.......she's the one.......
am i too naive????? withholding all the decisions of my future for her answer which i hardly have the courage to ask..............never felt so uncertain and hesitant........
well, nobody can be sure in that matter........