Finally after few weeks of loss of contact, I called her out of blue last night
We had a very very long conversation
We talk for nearly four and a half hours
This is the longest conversation with her through phone I ever had
But I don’t know whether is true
Bcoz no matter how I beg her, she still insisted her decision
I miss her so much
i was turned down by her again yesterday
i am so sad
actually i was turned down by her endless times already ever since she decided to end this relationship
i already get used to upset
it's already 5 months pass since we separated
she treat me so cool lately
i don't know why i still have feeling on her
the feeling is so strong
i couldn't believe that i love her so deep
i really don't know what is her thinking
why she choose to be single rather than giving me a last chance
maybe she is not single now
but i don't know
sorry to those reading my blog
coz i keep on writing about her
maybe by writing about her i can feel that she is just right beside me
haha.......i think i am going insane
u really want to know how i feel about u?
u really think v r happier now?
may be it is true for u
but i never felt happier
my happiest time is the time with u
i just make myself very very busy so that i don't have time to think of u
but it never work
u think i want to be enemy with u?
i never want to be enemy with anyone, especially with u
i never want to stop chatting with u
u know how sad i am when i do so
i just don't want to get hurt
every time i chat with u since we breakup,i felt down
coz i don't know how to pretend to chat with u as a friend
i don't want just be friend
i still love u
every night i am wondering how r u now
but i am afraid to call u or sms u
coz i dunno how u felt about me
i miss u very very much
i really really miss u
i just want to let u know--i still love u as before, more than before
i don't know whether u will read my blog again
i know u will not happy with what i wrote
but trust me, i don't mean to affect yr life
i just want to express my feeling
i think this is a better way for us to converse
last weekend i went back to teluk intan
but i am so afraid to meet u
actually i really hope to reconcile with u
but i am so scare to be rejected again
i don't want to get hurt
i don't want to cry anymore
i love you
plz dun angry with what i wrote
i will bless u always
finally my presentation on hazard survey has over
and all my reports have been completed this afternoon
suddenly i don't know what to do
may be it's time for me to do some reading
coz next week we will sit for our viva
but i don't have any mood to study
i want to do something to reward myself
may be watch a movie or eat some chocolate
but there is no cinema in tanjong karang
there are so many movies i'm dying to watch
today i feel so boring
coz many of my friends still busy with their reports
no one free to entertain me
if in last time, i still got my girlfriend to entertain me
i'm sick of being alone
may be i need to find more friends to fill my time
or do something i haven't done before to make my life more interesting
i miss my mum
i miss my dad
i miss my home
i miss my bed
i miss my little brother
i miss my friends that haven't met for long time
i miss her also
i am so grateful that there is someone i can miss
finally i had completed most of my reports
i am so relief
but there are still some haven't completed
i must keep on working
almost 2 weeks i didn't get enough sleep already
every night work until at least 3.30am only sleep
sometimes even up to 5.00am
the time past so fast
still got 2 more weeks to go
my posting is coming to the end
but there are countless reports waiting for me
but i am quite happy
coz by keeping myself very busy, i won't think of something unhappy
i am a bit lost now
coz i don't know what to do on the coming holidays
i don't like holidays
coz when i am free, i will keep on thinking of her
i must find something to do
something that makes me really really busy
I am lost…….i am lost………I am lost…….
I don’t know what to do now
She told me very clearly that she won’t accept me again
Y I still want to be so stubborn??????
Hoping miracles will happen on me
Many tell me tat I will find some1 better than her but juz the time havn’t come
Am I going to find some1 better???????
Is the right girl will show up??????
I asked myself many times………I don’t know
I juz know she is still the best in my heart
I don’t know y I feel like tat although I said she has changed so much tat I don’t even know her anymore
Every time I told her tat she will find some1 better than me and I will bless her if she really finds her Mr. Right
But what I said do not go along with what I felt
My heart pain, really pain as if stabbed by thousands of swords
Coz what I really want to tell her is I hope I am her Mr. Right
But everything is too late
Coz she loves me no more
Y she wanted to end this relationship???
R v really not suitable????tat's wat she told me.......
i dun agree but nothing can be done now
3 years of relationship ended with nothing…………..
I am sad…………
i know she has her new life now
i also want to find my new life
i want to find my goals in life
i enter my 3rd year of medical life in may 2007
i know many of my frens stil in their 2nd year holiday
but wat can i say,tis is ukm medic---a weird course---alwaz wan to be different
actually i really enjoy studying medic
medical life is so interesting
so many challenges
the satisfaction i get from saving people really amazing tat couldn't get from any other jobs
this job is really meant for me
there are 4 posting waiting for me in my 3rd year
1st i hav to go to medicine & society posting, then follow by internal medicine, surgery and O&G
let's talk about my 1st posting-------medicine & society
this is the best posting amongst the 4
coz i really felt tat i still in holiday during tis posting
the duration of tis posting is 8 weeks
now is the 6th week-------stil hav 3 more weeks to go
the time pass so fast
it seems like i juz started my posting yesterday
wat so interesting about tis posting???????
haha,there are so many
the most important 1 is it is located at tanjong karang---a peaceful small town between kuala selangor and sekinchan
so no need to scare to get scolded by the doctors in hukm
i very pity my frens in hukm..........hahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!
another exciting event is the coconut here is so cheap
1 coconut only cost RM1.30
v drink at least 1 coconut everyday in tanjong karang
drink until v so close wif the boss
everytime oso get discount and free coconuts
i had tried many many types of coconut
hav u heard about kelapa pandan, kelapa gading, kelapa mawar, kalapa puyuh................so many
the best coconut is the kelapa pandan tua
its juice is exactly like 100plus
another unforgettable thing here is the seafood
the seafood in sekinchan & kuala selangor is so cheap
i bcom so fat now
i think it is the time for to lose weight liao
i ate the most delicious food here but oso ate the worst thing here
can u believe i ate rat??????
dun believe??????u better believe
still not believe????????hahaha.....go c my friendster,i got put some evidence there
i can say after this posting i will bcom a coconut and seafood specialist
hehe.......
let's talk something about my posting
actually my posting is very busy but i duno y i am so free
maybe bcoz there are too many works to do, but i duno wat to do, so better dun do
v hav to go hospital tanjong karang, health clinic, rural clinic and PKD(pejabat kesihatan daerah kuala selangor) to c how the organisation works
then hav to write reports........so sien........i hate write reports
the most heavy work v hav to do is to do a general survey, a specific survey and a health programme on the orang kampung in tanjong karang
tis include 3 kampung---600 houses
but v only hav 59 people
really work like hell
my car oso spoilt bcoz of the bad road condition in kampng
forgot to mention, the hostel here is the best hostel i ever seen
it is fully equip wif air-con & wifi
it is more like a hotel than a hostel
i am sure i wil miss tis place
except 1 thing----there are too many cats here----they are every where
i hate cats
after the remaining 3 weeks,i hav to enter the internal medicine posting
it is the most difficult posting
by tat time i wont hav time to sleep coz v hav to oncall
haih......tis is the life of a doc
i hav to accept it
so wat i can do now is to enjoy the rest of tis posting to the fullness
the most 'yi han' thing to me now is i can no more share my joy and happiness wif my love one
i lose my only support in life
it is all my fault
i deserve the consequences
i can blame no one except myself
what is love actually????.............could someone tells me?????
1 month......2 month..........3 month..........4 month...........
i couldn't believe i had been broken up with her for more than 4 months
i couldn't believe how i get through this 4 months
i just knew i suffer everyday
i know she suffers too when she chooses to end
if time can reverse i hope v still can together
but i know is impossible
i just couldn't let her go
she means so much to me
i really don't know she is so important to me until she left me
i won't blame her coz i know i didn't appreciate her last time
i didn't make her feel secure
i would do the same thing if i were her
losing her is my biggest lost in my life
no one can replace her in my heart
i tried very hard to win her heart back...............but i just can't fulfill her requirement
maybe what she wants now is not what she wants before
she really changed a lot after v broke up
the current her is a stranger to me
maybe this is the true her
it just she sacrificed so much for me last time until she became someone not herself
i felt that she is happier being her true self
should i still love someone who doesn't love me anymore?????
some said true love doesn't hope for any return
some said not worth
what should i do??????????
should i let go?????????
i still miss her a lot
am i stupid???????
hoping something impossible to happen
i don't know, i really don't know
i will just follow my heart.....................
i don't mind live under her shadow
as long as i feel happy
